What I Would Tell My Teenage Self About Saying No!

Sometimes, when someone wants to do something physical and you’re not ready to, you’ll feel scared so you’ll say no and they’ll tell you you’re lame. They might call you frigid. They might call you tight. Well, screw them! (I mean, not literally… you know what I mean).

It’s confusing to know what to do. To say no! To say yes! To say maybe! To say I don’t know! To say not now because I have my flannelette undies on and I’m not sure I want you to see them!

It’s hard to know how you feel in the heat, or chill, of the moment.

But saying no is OK.

It doesn’t make you lame. It just makes you more you.

And shame serves no-one.

The thing is, that boy will just be horny and probably confused why you don’t want to be prodded. He’ll want to connect physically and won’t understand why you don’t. He can’t imagine not wanting it just as much as you can’t imagine wanting it.

Boys get taught to shut down their emotions and are left with their bodies. So they love with their bodies. Where as girls get taught that their bodies are not their own, their value is wrapped up in how much others want their bodies, so they see their bodies as separate. And they love with their emotions. Then, when girls try to connect emotionally and boys try to connect physically sometimes it’s a total disconnect.

This is also confusing.

Social media and the Internet and music videos and everything around you will tell you that it’s desirable to be desired. That it’s nature. And that looking good, being desirable becomes a goal and your reward for looking good is that people want to touch you.

But THAT is not a reward unless you want it.

Because saying no is OK.

It doesn’t make you lame. It just makes you more you.

Then, much later, even when you’re not scared and totally ready you might have encounters with people you don’t want to have. People do weird things sometimes when they are overcome with the great horniness. They might rub up against you on a bus. On a plane. A train. In the hallway at a party waiting for the loo. The first time it happens you might not find your NO.

Or your, ‘Sod Off With Your Frotteurism!’ because you are in shock.

Please don’t beat yourself up about this and trust that next time you’ll know what that weird thing is. And in between times, when you’re not in shock, practice, practice, practice that word.

No!

No!!

No!!!

Practice on somebody else. If you see some guy leaning way too far over a girl and your instincts tell you she’s not comfortable then test it out. Tell them Oi! NO! Leave off douchebag!

Defending another girl, a friend, a foe, or even a stranger means you’ll find it easier to defend yourself next time.

I promise.

Your no muscle will get stronger and stronger.

Saying no is OK.

It doesn’t make you lame. It just makes you more you.

Because your only job in this world is to be more you. You can’t be Lucy with the shiny red knickers or Harry who wants to get your knickers off. You can only be you. You can’t be what boys want you to be and you can’t be what girls tell you to be because then you don’t end up feeling like yourself. You know exactly what you want and don’t want if you listen hard enough. You already know what to do.

All you can ever be is more you.

Because you’re awesome.

And so is that pirate top.


2 thoughts on “What I Would Tell My Teenage Self About Saying No!

  1. Ange, I think this is a FANTASTIC insight. I’ve never thought of it like this, but it rings absolutely true: Boys get taught to shut down their emotions and are left with their bodies. So they love with their bodies. Where as girls get taught that their bodies are not their own, their value is wrapped up in how much others want their bodies, so they see their bodies as separate.

    Like

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