Angela Barnett
Writer. Wig Wearer. Speakerupperer
recent posts
- Are You A Useless Cook? Well, Punch The Air Darhling, The World Needs You.
- Jealousy Is Love And Hate At The Same Time. And It’s Totally Stink.
- If Long Term Relationships Were Explained on First Dates We Might All Be Serial Daters.
- Since When Did My Boobs Turn Into A Couple Of Envelopes?
- Darling I hope you don’t mind – we’re having shrivelled penis for dinner.
about
Author: Angela Maree Barnett
-
Your kids might ask for a cake from Pak N Save every birthday but you’re not a bad mother. You’re just a baddass woman who doesn’t cook like Lucy Lawless, Ariana Huffington, and my friend Claire. And you’re a vital member of the social ecosystem.
-
Screaming, I reached down and grabbed the axe I kept stashed under the mattress, intended for intruders. Swinging it wildly I couldn’t believe how light it was and how easily it sliced off her limbs, then his, although I’m not sure you can call fingers ‘limbs’ but his were longing to go into places I…
-
Relationships are challenging and if anyone tells you it’s all bliss and kisses, then they’re in the first 11 months so tell them to shut up and come back in 11 years. But I’ve finally figured out something…
-
I always thought I would get a boob job. It seemed justifiable with my small excuses for breasts when I was in my teens and 20’s. Strangely, thinking I was going to fix them helped me accept them: one day these puppies will be bigger. Once I even tried hypnotherapy and bought breast augmentation CDs…
-
Arianna Huffington was in New Zealand recently and she admitted to something that was appalling. Unthinkable. Outrageous. Disgraceful. “I can’t cook,” she said. How could she have missed domestic goddess on her path to global domination? To be any kind of woman over thirty these days you’re meant to know your caraway seeds from your…
-
For mothers, if you mention ménage à moi at a party, even if you’re talking about the benefits of increased circulation, reduced stress, good complexion and an energized system, people look at you like you’ve got no knickers on… Suddenly, once you’ve sexed your way into a baby, you’re not sexy if you talk about…
-
People comment about how old women look all the time, “Oooh she’s aged.” As if getting older is something we should sort out. As if it’s a failure on our part. Crikey, not the dreaded oldness! Not the ageing and passing of time. Why are you not doing something about that? It’s OK to get wiser but please don’t…
-
I’m sad you won’t laugh at my dancing anymore. Or make jokes about useless ex husbands. I’m sad I never made it back to Zambia to say hello again. I’m sad I never got to say goodbye.
-
In writing pieces about alcohol, I am trying to share my shame around struggling with it – I do not promote binge drinking culture and if you are struggling with alcohol addiction please take care, this might not be for you. Wine makes life more exciting. The taste, the boisterous conversations, the unbuttoning of inhibitions, and the superior dance moves.…
-
We were all bewitched by Dan Reynolds who’s masculine AF yet talks about love and pain.
-
Recently I listened to Alisa Vitti’s TED talk about women’s monthly cycles and it blew my fallopian tubes apart. It shocked me so much I shared it on Facebook. It got six likes. God, I am such an influencer. But this is such a winning idea I need to share it again as I’ve had it…
-
Nobody warns you about the swan plant and how the ratio of caterpillars to leaves is all out of whack and you go from Earthmother to Butterfly Murderer in a few short weeks. Somebody needs to put that on the packaging.
-
Last month I was invited to talk about body image on the Kathryn Ryan parents segment on Radio New Zealand. Nervously thrilled I did my homework. I googled, I watched. Reading everything I could find on The Huffington Post. I became a body image nerd. I was going to be the expert I was expected…
-
Kate Middleton, I enjoy seeing you on duty with your princely accessory but don’t show me your regal onesie and oversized Armani goggles on the slopes. I no longer care. I like sand.
-
“But,” I stammered, thinking how my back doesn’t curve in and out like a slide down a hill, but more like a rollercoaster ride sideways, “That means when I’m 80 I’ll be at right angles, I’ll need a double zimmer!” …For anyone not straight, keep reading.
Angela Barnett 