Angela Barnett
Writer. Wig Wearer. Speakerupperer
recent posts
- Are You A Useless Cook? Well, Punch The Air Darhling, The World Needs You.
- Jealousy Is Love And Hate At The Same Time. And It’s Totally Stink.
- If Long Term Relationships Were Explained on First Dates We Might All Be Serial Daters.
- Since When Did My Boobs Turn Into A Couple Of Envelopes?
- Darling I hope you don’t mind – we’re having shrivelled penis for dinner.
about
Category: Uncategorized
-
Your kids might ask for a cake from Pak N Save every birthday but you’re not a bad mother. You’re just a baddass woman who doesn’t cook like Lucy Lawless, Ariana Huffington, and my friend Claire. And you’re a vital member of the social ecosystem.
-
Screaming, I reached down and grabbed the axe I kept stashed under the mattress, intended for intruders. Swinging it wildly I couldn’t believe how light it was and how easily it sliced off her limbs, then his, although I’m not sure you can call fingers ‘limbs’ but his were longing to go into places I…
-
Relationships are challenging and if anyone tells you it’s all bliss and kisses, then they’re in the first 11 months so tell them to shut up and come back in 11 years. But I’ve finally figured out something…
-
I always thought I would get a boob job. It seemed justifiable with my small excuses for breasts when I was in my teens and 20’s. Strangely, thinking I was going to fix them helped me accept them: one day these puppies will be bigger. Once I even tried hypnotherapy and bought breast augmentation CDs…
-
Arianna Huffington was in New Zealand recently and she admitted to something that was appalling. Unthinkable. Outrageous. Disgraceful. “I can’t cook,” she said. How could she have missed domestic goddess on her path to global domination? To be any kind of woman over thirty these days you’re meant to know your caraway seeds from your…
-
In writing pieces about alcohol, I am trying to share my shame around struggling with it – I do not promote binge drinking culture and if you are struggling with alcohol addiction please take care, this might not be for you. Wine makes life more exciting. The taste, the boisterous conversations, the unbuttoning of inhibitions, and the superior dance moves.…
-
Last month I was invited to talk about body image on the Kathryn Ryan parents segment on Radio New Zealand. Nervously thrilled I did my homework. I googled, I watched. Reading everything I could find on The Huffington Post. I became a body image nerd. I was going to be the expert I was expected…
-
“But,” I stammered, thinking how my back doesn’t curve in and out like a slide down a hill, but more like a rollercoaster ride sideways, “That means when I’m 80 I’ll be at right angles, I’ll need a double zimmer!” …For anyone not straight, keep reading.
-
Recently I caught a taxi to the airport at 5.20 am. A woman greeted me when I jumped in and my first thought was not charitable. You’d better get me there on time. She dithered over the direction, there was fog, and she went around every corner as if a dragon was waiting just out of…
-
Soon she will not want me to be visible to her. She’ll want me miles away safely not looking, not knowing, not hearing anything. I’ll cramp her style. My skirts will cramp her style. She already hates it when I get song lyrics wrong.
-
In writing pieces about alcohol, I am trying to share my shame around struggling with it – I do not promote binge drinking culture and if you are struggling with alcohol addiction please take care, this might not be for you. Last Sunday morning I had one of those headaches, the ones where you need…
-
I walked into NZ Fashion Week feeling like a fraud. I didn’t even have interesting shoes on. Aside from red lips there was nothing haute couture about me. More haute boring. Having forgotten all about my tickets to Eugénie, I’d dressed that day in shabby office, which is a little known category I’ve been cultivating since…
-
Dear Special K, When I was growing up my Mum loved you. She was the kind of woman who fancied herself in a red swimsuit. One piece of course. But sadly she battled her body most of her life and she never got that swimsuit body. You knew for years that it’s not sex that…
-
I used to think Glass Half Empty thinking created an empty, negative life but lately I’ve been thinking that’s a load of bollocks.
-
Last year, Paula Penfold asked me to share my bulimia story for a TV show and I said, “Sure, but do I have to tell my story? How about I help find other people’s stories.” That felt better. I didn’t want my story put up for people to rip down, especially on national television. Recently I went…
Angela Barnett 