Angela Barnett
Writer. Wig Wearer. Speakerupperer
recent posts
- Are You A Useless Cook? Well, Punch The Air Darhling, The World Needs You.
- Jealousy Is Love And Hate At The Same Time. And It’s Totally Stink.
- If Long Term Relationships Were Explained on First Dates We Might All Be Serial Daters.
- Since When Did My Boobs Turn Into A Couple Of Envelopes?
- Darling I hope you don’t mind – we’re having shrivelled penis for dinner.
about
Category: Uncategorized
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I remember the day my world shattered. Six years old, living in Pakuranga, Auckland and my brother informed me that the Easter Bunny, Santa AND the Tooth Fairy were all big fat lies. What, you mean the Tooth Fairy doesn’t use children’s teeth to make grand pianos? Devastating. The stories would last far longer with…
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What happens when you take a family who have been living amongst Redwood Trees for three years and plonk them in Las Vegas? You blow their minds. That’s what. After saying our sad goodbyes, we finally left the woods and drove for two days to Vegas. Arriving at The Strip at night was bedazzling. Unbelievable.…
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I always thought the Day of the Dead (Dia de Muertos) was an excuse to wear devastatingly evil make-up. Sure, I knew it had something to do with being dead—that’s why the make-up looked better at night—until I was told by our six-year-old what it really was. The annual Mexican tradition is a chance to…
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Always leave on a high. That’s what Great Aunt Hazel advised when I was a young strumpet. ‘No matter how great the party, leave at the peak, don’t wait until it’s all over.’ It’s a tough motto because what if there’s another fabulous conversation to be had, witty line to inhale or person to flirt…
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Before summer, we asked the ‘Dactyl what she wanted to be when she grew up. She said, after marrying her brother—which alarmed us slightly—that she wanted to “stay home and do nothing like Mummy.” Crikey. Nothing? That worried me more than wanting to marry Bob. “Best you get a job,” said the Dimple. “Inspire your…
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We may live and work in an altruistic hippy dippy summer camp for children—in Mendocino County, where it’s totally normal to order a hemp latte—however one hour in the opposite direction is Willits, a small town described on a large sign as The Gateway to the Redwoods. It’s also the gateway to another fine specimen…
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Anniversary Dates have so much pressure on them to be incredibly, stupendously romantic they often implode. A girlfriend told me recently, “I have cried more on anniversary dates than I have kissed!”. Usually, she said, out of sheer disappointment because she built up expectations so high no one human being could possibly fulfill them. Guilty.…
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Advice lists are annoying. I never read them. Or guidebooks, instruction manuals and tags about how to wash clothes. I never read anything about moving a young family across continents because I am the kind of person that doesn’t want to know and then, when I’m in the thick of it, wonder why on earth…
Angela Barnett 