Summer Legs are not something you can buy, after you’ve picked up the tonic and strawberries. But they are thing, just for women, that we’re meant to have. And we’ve had enough hearing about them. … More Does The Idea of ‘Summer Legs’ Make You Want To Kick Something Quite hard?
“But,” I stammered, thinking how my back doesn’t curve in and out like a slide down a hill, but more like a rollercoaster ride sideways, “That means when I’m 80 I’ll be at right angles, I’ll need a double zimmer!”
…For anyone not straight, keep reading. … More Scoliosis my old friend, I’ve come to talk to you again.
Recently I listened to Alisa Vitti’s TED talk about women’s monthly cycles and it blew my fallopian tubes apart. It shocked me so much I shared it on Facebook. It got six likes. God, I am such an influencer. But this is such a winning idea I need to share it again as I’ve had it … More Writer’s block? It could be your ovaries, try sorting the spice rack instead.
He’s always been on my list. Ever since I saw his performance at the Secret Policeman’s Ball. That mix of bird’s nest (fuck you hairdressers) hair, eyeliner, stovepipe pants and effeminate sexual energy (fuck you and you and you) was mesmerizing. Here’s what Russell Brand and I have in common. We were both born in the … More I See You Russell Brand And Holy Smoke, You See Me Too.
I always thought I would get a boob job. It seemed justifiable with my small excuses for breasts when I was in my teens and 20’s. Strangely, thinking I was going to fix them helped me accept them: one day these puppies will be bigger. Once I even tried hypnotherapy and bought breast augmentation CDs … More Since When Did My Boobs Turn Into A Couple Of Envelopes?
I used to have this illogical fear, a big hairy nasty one that was as ridiculous as it was huge. I was so afraid of this fear I avoided it at all costs, like the school bully. And never talked about it. My fear was this: that I would be fat. I worried it would … More When The Fear Has Gone There Will Be Nothing. Only I Will Remain.*
ADMITTING TO A DISORDER IS NOT AN ORDERED THING TO DO. Getting my teeth cleaned a few months ago, I had a strong urge to ask the hygienist if she could see any evidence of my dirty little secret. Never having confessed to a dentist before I told myself it was ridiculous. She’s not interested … More Calling All Attention-Seeking Nut Jobs.
When I overheard a friend talk about how beautiful our daughter was on New Year’s Eve, she looked at me like it was an affliction. “She’s more than three-year-old cute,” she said, the whites of her eyes large with pity. “She’s classically beautiful.” Oh dear. Not the classically beautiful daughter. We all know where that’s … More Trying Not To Screw Up The Daughter