How high is a High Tea I’d ask the Dimple? Would we enter another realm of consciousness and see that us mothers are all mere dust full of spinning electrons and protons floating through an ever-expanding universe? Would we be entertained by a witty speaker and feel a little high after fits of laughter? Or … More I Never Thought A Mother And Son High Tea Would Actually Get Me High.
This was the best gift a mother can pass on. The unwavering firm belief that no matter what that rascal camel does: spit, stomp on your toes, run off with your wallet, you will be OK and figure out what to do. Because you always do. … More It’s Not What You Say, It’s How You Ride Your Camel That Counts.
Suddenly, two weeks into Intermediate School and I’m full of questions. What do you do in form room? How many boys in the class? How long is morning tea? It’s interval now Mum. “OK, how long is interval then? Are the big boys friendly?” Not that I want to know if they’re not. He doesn’t … More Nobody Mentioned That Having A Boy Means Your Heart Gets Permanently Beaten Up.
Nobody warns you about the swan plant and how the ratio of caterpillars to leaves is all out of whack and you go from Earthmother to Butterfly Murderer in a few short weeks. Somebody needs to put that on the packaging. … More How A Couple Of Caterpillars Turned Me Into A Butterfly Murderer.
Sometimes, when someone wants to do something physical and you’re not ready to, you’ll feel scared so you’ll say no and they’ll tell you you’re lame. They might call you frigid. They might call you tight. Well, screw them! (I mean, not literally… you know what I mean). Here’s what you need to know… … More What I Would Tell My Teenage Self About Saying No!
Your kids might ask for a cake from Pak N Save every birthday but you’re not a bad mother. You’re just a baddass woman who doesn’t cook like Lucy Lawless, Ariana Huffington, and my friend Claire. And you’re a vital member of the social ecosystem. … More Are You A Useless Cook? Well, Punch The Air Darhling, The World Needs You.
Summer Legs are not something you can buy, after you’ve picked up the tonic and strawberries. But they are thing, just for women, that we’re meant to have. And we’ve had enough hearing about them. … More Does The Idea of ‘Summer Legs’ Make You Want To Kick Something Quite hard?
Kate Middleton, I enjoy seeing you on duty with your princely accessory but don’t show me your regal onesie and oversized Armani goggles on the slopes. I no longer care. I like sand. … More Screw Skiing. And Other Things You’ll Never Be Good At.
I’m sad you won’t laugh at my dancing anymore. Or make jokes about useless ex husbands. I’m sad I never made it back to Zambia to say hello again. I’m sad I never got to say goodbye. … More When You’re The Only White Girl In The Village One Friend Changes Everything.
Oscar Wilde said once that children begin by loving their parents and after a time they judge them and “rarely, if ever, do they forgive them.” Sometimes I wonder what my children will complain about to a therapist later because there will be something I do that drives them nuts. No matter how much we … More If Unconditional Love Came In A Pill We’d All Be Incredible
When you die, Mummy, we’re going to put you in bags and eat you,” said our four-year-old. He had just seen what happened to the pigs: they arrive, we feed them, they die and come back in small packages labeled Chops, Ribs and Jowls. After seeing a dead fox last week Bob’s been obsessed with … More The Cabin