What I Would Tell My Teenage Self About Saying No!

Sometimes, when someone wants to do something physical and you’re not ready to, you’ll feel scared so you’ll say no and they’ll tell you you’re lame. They might call you frigid. They might call you tight. Well, screw them! (I mean, not literally… you know what I mean). Here’s what you need to know… … More What I Would Tell My Teenage Self About Saying No!

Are You A Useless Cook? Well, Punch The Air Darhling, The World Needs You.

Your kids might ask for a cake from Pak N Save every birthday but you’re not a bad mother. You’re just a baddass woman who doesn’t cook like Lucy Lawless, Ariana Huffington, and my friend Claire. And you’re a vital member of the social ecosystem. … More Are You A Useless Cook? Well, Punch The Air Darhling, The World Needs You.

Oh Yes I Masturbate. Said No Mother Ever.

For mothers, if you mention ménage à moi at a party, even if you’re talking about the benefits of increased circulation, reduced stress, good complexion and an energized system, people look at you like you’ve got no knickers on… Suddenly, once you’ve sexed your way into a baby, you’re not sexy if you talk about masturbation, you’re just a little bit weird. … More Oh Yes I Masturbate. Said No Mother Ever.

Game Of Moans.

You were in my dream last night. I can’t explain why you were in a Santa suit and I’m sorry about making your leg go to sleep but we had fun didn’t we? I know you don’t do that with all of your Facebook friends. I know I’m special. Because, dear Nikolaj, I am your special 64th friend. … More Game Of Moans.